Feeling Guilty

I have been away much longer than I anticipated.  I guess that’s what happens when the end of the school year comes, you have a 7 month old baby, and your photography business gets busy.  I have missed blogging and have missed having a place to spill my feelings and guts.

Today I am feeling exceptionally guilty.  I already know what most people will say, but I can’t change the guilty feeling I have.

Last night around 2:00, I woke up feeling sick.  I thought I was just hungry because I hadn’t eaten anything since dinner, and really hadn’t had a very big dinner.  I managed to make it upstairs and ate an apple.  I felt a little better, but in less than 15 minutes, I had thrown it all up.  I tried eating some Cheerios, and again in about 15 minutes, I threw it all up.  I really wanted a piece of toast, but we had no bread due to an earlier incident with the dogs.  I finally kept down about 10 pretzels and fell asleep around 4:00.  Miss C woke up around 5:00, and it took all my strength to get up and feed her.  I was so utterly exhausted!  I fed her and put her back down around 5:30.  She let me sleep until about 7:15.

What I am feeling guilty about is that I was supposed to help a fellow photog with a wedding today.  I wasn’t necessarily a second shooter, but I was an assistant.  (We were trading services, as she had done my family photos last weekend.)  I don’t really feel sick anymore, but I have a killer headache and have absolutely no energy or strength.  I feel completely guilty for bailing on her and staying home to try and feel better.  I plan to completely compensate her for doing our family photos, though.

The other thing that I feel SUPER guilty about is sending Miss C to hang out with my sister all day so I can get feeling better.  My sister was already going to watch her since I was going to be helping at the wedding most of the day, but now I feel guilty sending her away.  My sister offered to still take her, and I know that my sister and my nephews enjoy the time that they get to spend with her.  I just feel guilty about not keeping her at home even though I could technically take care of her here.  I haven’t felt this level of mom guilt before, so it’s a new and not very good feeling.  I didn’t even feel this guilt when I went back to work because I knew working was the best thing I could do for her.  I also don’t think I felt it because my mom and husband were the ones in charge during the week.  I didn’t feel like I was sending her away like I feel I am doing today.

I know most people will tell me that I need to take care of myself and that I shouldn’t feel guilty about this, but it doesn’t change the way I feel.  I just wish I felt better and didn’t have to deal with any of this at all.

Sunday Night Chit-Chat

Ummm… who would have ever thought that having a baby would change everything?  (Ok, I realize that everyone tells you that, but the reality is something hard to grasp until you are in the midst of it all.)  I promise that I think about blogging every couple of days, but the actual process of sitting down and getting everything out of my brain is really a difficult challenge.

Little one is sleeping right now, and I honestly should be doing a million other things, but I feel I have neglected you all (if any of you are still reading) long enough.  Here is my chit-chat for the night:

What are you…

*Reading?  I have The Great Gatsby on my nightstand, but have not gotten through a chapter yet.  It’s not for lack of trying… It’s actually for lack of being able to stay awake long enough to read more than two pages at a time.  I will get through it before I see the movie with my sister.

*Watching?  Nothing right now.  The tv is off, which is a rarity when both Hubs and I are home at the same time.  I kind of like it.

*Listening to?  Someone outside is mowing, which is music to my ears.  That means that spring really is here!

*Cooking/Baking?  I haven’t made dinner tonight, but we did make taco salads for lunch using some left-over taco meat from the other night.  

*Happy you accomplished this week?  I got the coffee table cleaned off today.  It has been driving me crazy, as it seems to be a dumping ground for mail, hair ties, bottles, cups, etc. I got it cleaned off today, though.  I am also happy that I got a lot of lesson planning done at school this past week.  My student teacher will be finished the last week of April/first week of May, and I want to be prepared for the end of the school year.  

*Looking forward to next week?  Hubs and I are continuing our house hunt.  We should be able to see at least one more house this coming week.  We just finished seeing 2 today, but they weren’t what we were looking for.  One of them was a commercial building with an apartment upstairs.  The downstairs I would use as a photography studio.  There was a lot more work to be done to the upstairs apartment than what we were wanting.  

*Thankful for today?  Good friends and ice cream.  Miss C and I had an ice cream date this afternoon with my good friend from college.  It was so nice to catch up and enjoy some time together.  I am also thankful for the weather.  It is finally feeling like spring!

*Bonus Question* What is your regular “day to day” outfit?  I tend to wear jeans and a t-shirt when I am just running errands from day to day.  When I am lounging around the house I tend to wear sweat pants and a t-shirt.  So basically what I am saying is that I do not wear fancy clothes often.

Ok, your turn!

• Reading?
• Watching?
• Listening to?
• Cooking/baking?
• Happy you accomplished this week?
• Looking forward to next week?
• Thankful for today?
• *Bonus Question* What is your regular day to day “outfit”?

Make sure to link up at Carla’s blog!

Budget Update

I know this has nothing to do with our budget, but isn’t she so cute!  I got Miss C all bundled up to go outside and visit her daddy while he was shoveling snow.  We only stayed out for about 5 minutes, and she didn’t seem too impressed.

I just got caught up on our budget for the month of March and things look great!  Here are some highlights:

• We opened a 529 plan for the cutie in the picture.  We started with a deposit of $115 and are having automatic deposits of $25 each month.  As time goes on, we will up the amount we deposit.
• We paid an extra payment to our smallest student loan.  The regular payment is $50 a month, but we were able to pay $100.
• We got a hospital bill for $495 from Miss C’s birth.  We had that in savings and were able to pay it outright.
• Even though we had the bill, we were still able to put $600 into savings (between our regular income and my photography income).
• I made $560.00 from my photography business this month!  My highest month ever!  With all photography income, I split it up: 25% into an account for taxes, 30% into our savings account, and 45% into an account for photography gear.
• We got our tax refund and were able to complete our savings goal for my maternity leave savings account.
• Even though I haven’t updated it, our car loan is officially under $10,000!  The four digits look so much more manageable than the five digits.

Looking at next month, things look pretty go as well.  We are on target to put another $325 into our savings account.  Hubs and I have discussed the next savings goal.  Our lease is up on June 1st, and we have started the house hunting process.  We have a down payment ready, but we are going to start saving for all of those moving costs: moving truck, inspection, etc.   Our goal is to save about $750 by the end of May.  I am going to start a new ING (now Captialone 360) subaccount for the moving goal.  (If I remember, I will do a post about our savings accounts and how they should work.)

We are also on track to pay another extra payment to the smallest student loan.  I am ready to get rid of some more debt!  It is kind of hard to have a savings goal at the same time as a debt-reduction goal.  I look at all the money we are putting in savings and wish I could put it towards debt.  I like the emergency cushion of savings, though, especially knowing that certain things in our life could die (my computer or my car).

The past month has been really good, and it is giving me a lot more momentum to keep moving in the direction that we are going.  Even though we are not debt free, knowing where we are headed definitely gives me a freeing feeling.  It’s quite exciting!

How are your savings or debt reduction goals going?  

 

Snow, Snow, Go Away

So, apparently this is what the 4th day of spring looks like:

This does not make for a happy Miss Jessie.  I am done with winter.  It really needs to be done with us!  I miss going outside and enjoying warmth.  I miss going on walks.  I miss getting in a warm vehicle, instead of having to warm my vehicle up.  This is terrible!  They are predicting a total of 4-7″ today and tonight.  How miserable!

Luckily this weather means that Hubs took a day off tomorrow.  I was a nervous wreck while he was driving home in this mess today.  There was a bad wreck on one of the highways that he takes home, and he got stuck in the traffic while it was getting cleaned up.  He did make it home safely, though.

Unfortunately my parents are driving back tomorrow from Illinois.  This means they will be driving through some of this.  Prayers for their safe travels are welcome.

Even with being stuck inside I am so far behind on EVERYTHING!  I did get up early and get errands done before this mess started.  Miss C and I went to get my oil changed at 8:30 this morning, then went to Office Depot to get some business supplies, then to the grocery store.  I was home by 10:00 and have been snug and warm inside ever since.  

Today was one of those days that I feel like I worked all day, but still have so much to do!  I got groceries put away, played with the baby, hung up curtains in her room, fixed a coat hook that had been broken for months now, did a few loads of laundry, did a load of dishes, packed away my breast pumping stuff *tear*, played with the babe more, and found a new RSS reader since Google Reader is going away.  

And here’s what I still have to do: 

• Finish laundry
• Update budget and sidebars
• Pick up, dust, and vacuum living room
• Purge more crap (I am so sick of stuff everywhere!)
• Clean the upstairs bathroom

Hopefully being snowed in will help me accomplish those things.

How is the weather in your area?  Are you having a very productive weekend?

Slow Down!

That’s what I want to yell at time right now.  SLOW DOWN!  I look at Miss C and can’t believe she is going to be 5 months in a week!  My goodness, she is growing so fast!  

I am also at the end of my spring break, which went way to fast!  I spent part of the time out of town visiting my grandma, and then I had 3 photo shoots squished in to 2 days.  It’s been a busy spring break!  Yesterday was a pretty low key day, though.  Hubs and I did start a new chapter of our lives: we started house-hunting!  We have been checking websites occasionally since September and have a realtor who sends us new listings, but we had never gone out to look at them.  Yesterday we looked at 2 houses in a town nearby.  One of them we really liked.  It was newly renovated and had a lot of space.  Unfortunately the two main things we didn’t like about it were things we couldn’t change: the location and an electrical pole in the corner of the front yard.  The second house we saw wasn’t for us.  It was a split level (which is what we live in now, but would like to get out of), and the downstairs was super tiny.  Just not what we want.  We are looking for a home to stay in long term.  We have moved enough in our short marriage already, and hope to not have to do it after we find a house (but that is our plan, and that plan seems to often be different than God’s plan.)

Since it has been such a busy spring break, the house is a wreck!  I am talking I would be embarrassed for my family to come over it is so bad.  So that is my plan today and tomorrow: clean, clean, clean!  Here is my to-do list:

• Do dishes and empty dishwasher
• Menu plan and grocery shop
• Complete all laundry: wash, dry, fold, put away (the last two steps always seem to be the hardest for me to complete)
• Update budget (home and business)
• Edit all photos from my 3 sessions
• Vacuum all carpet
• Scrub bathrooms
• PURGE!
• Clean every surface I find after picking everything up
• Blog about my secret sister gift!  (I loved it!!)

Yeah… it’s quite a to-do list.  If you can think of a cleaning chore, then I am probably going to try and get it done.  I have lunch plans with some family tomorrow, so that cuts down on some of my time to get things done.  

Wish me luck!  In the meantime, here is a photo of my cutie who is just growing too fast!  She is always drooling or spitting, so I think this photo just captures her perfectly.

 

Do you have a lot to get done this weekend, or are you lucky enough to be able to take it easy?

Sunday Night Chit-Chat

I haven’t played along in a while, so here we go…

Here is a picture of Miss C in her new jumper.  This was the first time I put her in yesterday.  She wasn’t too sure about it, but today she started to get the hang of it and seemed to have a great time.

Now to link up with Carla and play along.  
What are you…

Reading?  Nothing.  I have a huge stack of magazines that I need to get through, but I don’t feel like I have much time for books these days.

Watching? We have been following along with Amazing Race, so we watched that this evening.  We have also gotten hooked on Duck Dynasty which is absolutely hilarious!  You can watch full episodes online at aetv.com.

Baking/Cooking? I made a crockpot roast this evening, along with mashed potatoes and gravy.  It was my first time to make a roast, and I thought it was delicious!  Lots of yummy leftovers too!

Happy you accomplished this week?  Went shopping!  I went to a consignment sale with my mom and got some great deals!  I also did some fun shopping with my sister yesterday… I started getting some things for my secret sister!  I plan to finish that shopping this coming week, and hopefully get it in the mail soon!

Looking forward to next week?  My mom, Miss C, and I are heading out west to visit my grandma!  We are leaving on Saturday, and I can’t wait!  Our spring break is early this year… the kids have their first days off on Thursday and Friday, while we have meetings and work days.  Our spring break is the week after this one.  I am usually so ready for spring break, but it is so early this year and we had off 4 days for snow, so it seems a little odd that it is already here.

Thankful for today?  I was looking around our living room this afternoon while Miss C slept.  The house is somewhat a mess, and we have quite a few toys in our living room (where we spend about 95% of our time).  I was looking at the mess and toys and felt so blessed to have Miss C in our lives.  She is just such a wonderful addition to our family, and I am head over heels in love with her.

BONUS QUESTION: Have you ever left the house in your pajamas?  Yes I have!  And I will leave the house in my pjs tomorrow!  We have a pajama day at school tomorrow, so I get to go to work in my comfy pajamas!  So happy about that!

Feel free to play and link up at Carla’s blog, or answer in the comments!  Have a great week!

 

 

Ding-Dong Strikes Again

If you have been following the tales of Ding-Dong Dog (AKA Bandit), you know he enjoys eating what he should not.  We have started kenneling him, which has been going well.  We have even been able to kennel him without a cone for a number of hours, and he has not scratched himself into oblivion!  This is great news!

Well, today I went shopping with my sister and daughter, so Bandit was kenneled while Rose was left to wander the house.  Everything seemed great when I came home.  No messes, no bloody dogs… we were good to go.  

I was upstairs (probably checking Facebook), and I noticed Bandit ran downstairs.  This is not unusual, so I didn’t think much of it.  He came up stairs and things still seemed a-okay. I finally got up to go do something in the kitchen and when I passed the dog bed, I noticed something lying next to him:

I knew immediately what it was, so of couse I went to find my phone to take a picture.  As soon as I got close with the phone, he immediately picked it up so I couldn’t take it from him.  If you can’t tell what it is… it’s a pacifier!

Now, Miss C does not use this pacifier.  In fact she has found something much better than a pacifier: her thumb.  I had actually thrown this pacifier away a couple days ago since we did not use it or need it.  I guess Bandit felt like he should still be the baby, so he took it upon himself to get the paci out of the trash and chew on it.  He was certain he had found the best chew toy ever.  

It is now in a trash can with a lid, so in theory, Ding-Dong will not be able to get to it.  This dog will just never give up.

Snow, Snow, Snow

Tomorrow will be our fourth snow day in the past week.  We had snow days on Thursday and Friday of last week, and today was also a snow day.  I did have to go to work on Monday, so it hasn’t been a full week off.  I love snow days, but we are pretty much maxed out and will have to make anything else up at this point.  Going to school later into the summer is no good at all!  In the past 24 hours we have gotten over 6″ of snow (according to the weather channel website).  This is on top of the 8+” that we got last week.  Needless to say, there is a lot of snow everywhere.  It looks so pretty until it turns brown and gross from being driven on.

You would think that with all of these days off I would have gotten a lot accomplished, but you would be completely wrong.  I did get the living room vacuumed the other day, and I have been doing a pretty good job of keeping up with a clean kitchen.  But beyond that, I haven’t done too much.  Tomorrow that changes…

This is my to-do list for tomorrow:

Water indoor plants (They are looking pretty droopy these days)
Clean downstairs bathroom (I got the upstairs bathroom cleaned over the weekend)
Clean our bedroom (including washing sheets, dusting, vacuuming, the whole shebang)
Run errands (I figure the roads will be okay by after lunch time)
Blog
Go to another consignment sale
Drink 8 cups of water
At least 2 loads of laundry (washed, dried, folded, put away)

I think that is it.  The big question is whether I will get it all done or not.  I sure hope I do.  I have the rest of the week and Saturday all planned out to make sure that I get all my chores done.  Wish me luck!

What is the weather like around your area?

Budget Updates

It has been a while since I did a money/budget update.  I have spent the past hour or so getting things in order for March and figuring out what went wrong in February.  We did great until about mid-February.  Then I stopped tracking my expenses, and we bought some things we were not expecting (like a lid-locking trashcan).  In the end, we will make it out of February just fine… we just won’t be able to save as much as I had wanted.

I update the sidebars, and even though it looks like we are not quite as ahead with the maternity leave savings, I actually upped our goal.  I had started with a goal of just having the bare minimum to get us through two pay periods without my pay.  After doing taxes, I realize that the return we should get will be more than enough to up our goal to a full 2 pay periods without my pay.  In fact as soon as we get the tax return in our account, we will meet and exceed that goal!

We need to sit down and have a chat about what we want to save for next.  We are planning on looking at houses, so we will need to save for moving expenses (we already have a down payment ready).  I also would like to increase how much we are putting towards debt, and I think the next really major purchase (aside from the house) would be a new vehicle for me.  My 2002 car is still going strong, but we will need to replace it at some point in the future.

You can see that our car loan is almost under $10,000!  After our March payment, it will be!  I am so excited!  I would love for that to be gone before we buy another car, but that would be over a year for that to happen.  I definitely want to get rid of one of our debts before we take on another car loan.  I would love to be able to pay for a vehicle outright, but I don’t think that is going to happen quite yet.  We will keep saving away, though.

I am still anticipating some money from my short term disability and need to get that filed ASAP.  And even though we are saving for two whole pay periods with no pay, I do think in reality I will receive some pay in July and none in August.  I also have some photography sessions that will bring in some extra income, so I think we will be ok!

One budget buster is definitely gas prices.  They are almost to $4/gallon in our neck of the woods.  I have upped our budget for next month by $10 a week for gas.  That means almost $50 a month more will be going towards gas.  No good!

Another budget buster is our daughter’s food.  My milk supply has dwindled greatly, so we are supplementing with formula.  She currently gets bottles with half breast milk/ half formula.  The formula is expensive, and so far it seems as though we go through one container in about a week and a half to two weeks.  That means we will be spending almost $50-$60 on formula a month.  Luckily I have some $5.00 rebate checks from the brand we buy, so that helps a ton!

On a good budget note, I went to a huge consignment sale yesterday and came away with some great buys for Miss C.  I got all of this for under $35 (and I paid in cash from Miss C’s envelope).

That is 5 sleepers, 3 long sleeved onsies, 4 DVDs, and 1 perfect hard-back copy of Go, Dog, Go!.   Not too bad!

How is your budget turning out for February, and how is it looking for March?  If we maintain our self-discipline and keep going strong, then we should be good!

Bad Mood

*I need to complain for a moment, so if you don’t want to hear it, then feel free to skip this post.

I am just grumpy today.  I was super busy yesterday evening and didn’t get much down time.  Then Miss C woke up at 2:15 and gobbled down 7 oz.  She fell right back to sleep, but it took me a while.  I tossed and turned after that.

The weather is supposed to get nasty on Wednesday night, and I have no idea how kids seem to innately know when the weather is going to change, but they do.  They forget all rules and manners.  This is especially true today.  

I got a lot done this past weekend and yesterday evening, but if I were to write down my full to-do list, I think it would be longer than my arm.  

It is looking like a good chance for a snow day on Thursday, and I sure could use one!

*Ok… rant over.  Now time to think positively and have a better outlook on the day.  I can do it!