A Struggle

I have been thin my whole life.  I am a petite person and barely stand at 5′ 2″.  I didn’t pass 100 lbs (45.3 kg) until I was a sophomore in high school.  I have never given blood because I did not weigh enough. (You have to weigh 110 lbs/49.9 kg)

I now weigh much more than ever.  I am struggling with this fact quite a bit.  I realize that yes, I am supposed to be gaining weight, but it is still very hard to see myself in a mirror or look at numbers on a scale.  I know that I am not gaining weight just because of lifestyle choices.  There is a living little baby inside me who is growing.  I have amniotic fluid, a placenta, and a baby.  All those things together have made my belly expand, and my weight go up.

When I was in high school, my best friend joked that when I got pregnant I would look like a straw with a grape stuck in it.  I would agree that this is a somewhat accurate picture of me right now.  I still struggle, though.  I feel like I am too large and have gained too much weight.

Today someone asked when my due date was.  I told her it was in November, and she looked absolutely shocked!  She then told me that she didn’t think I would make it that far because I looked about ready to go now.  I am only 5 1/2 months pregnant.  I still have over 3 months to go.  Those words stung.  I smiled and laughed, though, because I was supposed to.  I am sure she didn’t realize that what she said really played on my uncertainties at this point.  What she said really bothered me.

Lately I have been scrutinizing everything that I eat because I don’t want to eat too much.  I do eat 3 meals a day and snack once or twice between, but I am really worried that it is too much at times.  I have already gained 20 pounds (9 kg).  I don’t want to gain more than 35 lbs (15.8 kg).  That is the upper end of what is recommended, but I don’t know if that will happen.  I am also torn because I don’t want deprive my baby.  It is a constant struggle on a daily basis.

So, if you are ever faced with a pregnant woman, please do not tell her that she looks ready to pop at any point or that you don’t think she is going to make it to her due date.  I can pretty much guarantee that she does not feel good about her body and the weight she has gained.  Your words, even in joking, can sting deeper than you think.

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6 thoughts on “A Struggle

  1. Aww, sorry you are feeling down about your baby bump today. Since you are such a tiny person more than likely you look like all belly, which by the way is super cute to others!!! I am sure the lady meant the remark as a compliment. I gained 70 pounds with our first DD and was back in a size 5 within a week. DD was almost 11 pounds. Our DD’s both gained in the 60 pound range, they too had big babies 9 pounds or better, first Grandson was almost 11 pounds. It took a little longer for DD’s to lose the extra weight but they both had c-sections. Enjoy this time!!! You will be so busy running around to keep up with that little bundle the weight won’t be a problem!!!!!

  2. Some people must think better about what are saying. Don´t worry about your weight, just talk to your doctor and that is. The same happens when people tell siblings that when the baby arrives, the mum will love more the baby than the older siblings, those people must be kept away.

  3. I too was a petite dancer and gained 54lbs with the first one. I was huge and people made comments, but I had a huge baby and was careful not to gain so much weight with the next 4! Enjoy and ignore people you will jump right back to your old body when you start running around with that baby and teaching. Goo luck! I ffound you on Mysti’s blog.

  4. Pingback: 2012 in Review | Confessions of a Resolutionist

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