This post is a very hard one to write. I haven’t written on this blog for about a week, due to the circumstances I am about to share with you. For the second time in our lives together, Hubs and I have suffered the heartbreak of a miscarriage. This one was 100% different from our first miscarriage. You can read our first story here.
This time our story begins on Valentine’s Day. My valentine’s gift came in the form of two pretty pink lines on a home pregnancy test. For the third time in our lives, we had tried to get pregnant and after just one month of trying, we managed to conceive. We were so excited, and I think since we had a healthy pregnancy the last time, we were not as cautious with our excitement as we had been when I was pregnant with Miss C.
We immediately told our immediate family and a select few very close friends. Things seemed to progress ideally. I had some bouts of nausea, but never got sick. I was overly tired, which was typical of both previous pregnancies.
On February 27th, I went in for my confirmation of pregnancy appointment, and again everything seemed to be going well. I was in fact still pregnant. Then just a short week after that appointment everything changed. Last Thursday, March 6, I began to start spotting. It was light brown, which I knew was not as alarming as if it would have been bright red. When this started, I immediately broke down. Hubs was my rock (as he was the last time we went through this). He helped bring a calm to me.
We decided to call the on-call doctor (who happened to be my midwife). She told us to just monitor things and if it continued through the night, then we could call in the morning and see if they could work us in for a sonogram. The spotting did continue through the night and became bright red. As soon as I could, I called the office and tried to get worked in. They were able to see us at 10:00 that morning.
We got to the appointment and had to wait for a while. My bladder was full (as it needs to be for a sonogram), so it was a very uncomfortable wait for me. When we finally went back, we had a normal abdominal sonogram. The baby was measuring about a week smaller than we had calculated. We were asked multiple times if our dates were correct, which I knew they were.
Since the baby was measuring small, they went ahead and did a vaginal ultrasound. This time we were able to see a small heartbeat. The heartbeat was slow, but it did give us a glimmer of hope. The ultrasound tech was absolutely lovely. She was a very kind soul, and even printed out a picture of our baby for us to keep.
After that ultrasound, we met with a doctor (not a midwife, which I am more comfortable with). He was very nice, but not very comforting. He offered a few options for us, but nothing seemed like a good idea. We could have had him prescribe me progesterone, which wouldn’t hurt anything but wasn’t proven to stop a miscarriage. I also could have had my progesterone level checked and then possibly been prescribed progesterone. We chose none of these options because we felt we were miscarrying, and it could have just prolonged the process. Having been through a miscarriage before, one of the worst parts is waiting.
After leaving the office, we both were sure the pregnancy was over. The grieving process for both of us began. The biggest difference between this miscarriage and my previous missed miscarriage was the physical pain and symptoms. With the missed miscarriage I had no bleeding. I didn’t see anything. The D & C took care of it all. With this natural miscarriage, every time I used the restroom, I was reminded what I was losing and what my body was going through. It was very difficult.
All week long I dealt with the bleeding and the heaviness in my heart. Today we finally went back to the doctor. I had believed I passed the baby and yolk sac last Saturday. Because of that, they did not do a regular sonogram, but instead just did a vaginal ultrasound to make sure everything had passed. The ultrasound was clear, and everything looked as good as it could. We spoke to the midwife who said to wait one cycle before trying again. This was different than after the D & C, which it was recommended to wait two cycles. She also mentioned that even though this is my second miscarriage, they don’t consider a possible problem until there are 3 miscarriages in a row. Since I had a healthy pregnancy/baby between the two miscarriages, there is no long term concerns at this point.
Our hearts are heavy and our pain is still strong. We loved this baby who we never met and will never get to hold. We are very blessed to already have a child, as I know many people (including people I am close with) struggle with infertility. Having Miss C home with us through this process helped keep our spirits and our hopes high. We will try again eventually, as we don’t feel our family is complete.
For the time being, though, we will love on our girl and our pups and soak up the time we have with them.