By nature I am not a positive, optimistic, joyful, thankful person. It truly is something I have to work on and concentrate on. I have tried very hard to change my mindset, and honestly it has to be one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. I have failed at many goals I have set for myself, but being a positive thinker is one that I can barely get through one day successfully.
Lately I have been struggling with being content with my life. I think my spending has reflected that, as I have bought things that I did not need. I struggle with being content with what I have. I think this is why I constantly set goals for myself. I can tell that exercising has helped tremendously with my attitude and emotions, but it still is not enough.
About 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. That was a very dark time in my life, but with the proper medication, I was able to come out of it. I have been off medication for about 4 years now, but still find that winter is a struggle for me. I do believe I have SAD, which I am hoping to combat with my health choices and lifestyle changes I am trying to put in place now.
I think the hardest part of what I deal with emotionally is not just being joyful with my own life, but not being able to share in the joy of others. Because I struggle with being content in my life, when I see others get what something that I would like, I have a hard time sharing in that joy. I become bitter and jealous, and I hate the way I feel. When I see others succeed, instead of feeling happy for them, I instead focus on my shortcomings and why I am not succeeding in the same areas.
When I look at my life, I realize that the number of things that I have to be thankful for are so beyond what I could imagine. I realize that the struggles that I face on a daily basis are nothing compared to what others are going through. I realize that when someone gets something that I would like, I don’t know the struggle that they went through to get it. I realize that I have nothing to complain about.
… and yet I do complain. I really need to work on cultivating a thankful heart and a positive mindset. I don’t think there is a really a goal that I can attach to it. I want to move beyond just being thankful for what I have in my life and move to a mindset of truly sharing in the joys of others. Isn’t that what life should really be about? Sharing in the joys of each other? Instead of harboring these dark feelings, shouldn’t I be spreading joy like it’s my job?
I am not sure how to start this journey. I don’t think there is a universal path for everyone to take, but I do want to make this change inside. I have been working so hard on the outside, that it’s time to focus on the inside as well.
For starters, I want to hear from you. What is some of the best news that you have received lately? I would like to share in your joy!